thanks for reading & responding Mollie.
to respond to your comments i’d say a few things:
queer space is deeply invested in biologically determined notions of bodies and still thinks it’s ok to assume and label bodies as “male” or having “male voices” or being “male bodied,” even when folks consider themselves to be trans affirming. thats what happened at the party and thats not a form of privilege.
I’d love for you and other people to understand that assuming someone’s gender based on what they think their biology is is violence and violating and does not privilege people.
biologically determined gender is an investment in identities that were violently imposed on our bodies in order to maintain capitalism, white supremacy and colonialism.
when you assign someone a gender based on their expression, how their voice sounds or our perceptions of people’s anatomy that is not self determination. its oppressive. thats not privilege.
I want us to move beyond using biological determined gender as a way to shape our analysis of how power and privilege work within parties, meeting space, marches and the spaces we physically occupy.
That is why it is not good enough to just have non-trans queer women/gender queer people and trans men in these spaces and claim them as trans affirming. That is why it is not OK to non-consensually gender other people. That is why we must support the leadership of those who have faced historical exile and isolation from feminist and queer space. And that is the reason why being trans, gender-non-conforming and queer are anti-capitalist acts.
So to sum it up: being misgendered as a couple and therefore assumed to be straight is not a privilege. Being misgendered is a form of violence. Being assumed to be straight based on an unconsentual assumption of my gender imposes someone else’s ideas of my gender identity and sexuality identity onto my body It is the opposite of gender self determination, it is gender oppression.
I want queer dance parties who take queer dollars to cut this shit out. now. even better retroactively with bountiful reparations given to all of us who’ve experienced this kind of violence.I want them to be accountable to the people they are supposedly welcoming, to change their practices and principles and understand the kind of power over people who are navigating multiple forms of oppression and violence every day. I want them to come up with principles around holding relationships that they don’t understand because of their privilege and holding lives and experiences that they have benefited from but do not actually know. My most recent experience was this weekend. On Friday night my partner and I went to “SECRET POP UP” Brooklyn Queer dance party at Cubana Social and unsurprisingly experienced multiple levels of oppression and violence throughout our time there.
Idk, the part about straight-passing privilege v. being misgendered didn’t sit right with me. Yes, being misgendered is humiliating and I hate it too, but that doesn’t mean straight passing privilege isn’t a thing that you have when it (unfortunately) happens.